On Watching Endless Episodes of The Sopranos and Why It's the Reason I Get Out of Bed in the Morning

Hi! Welcome to Rat Day Afternoon, a weekly dispatch that hits your inbox on Sunday afternoon (EST), and covers anything and everything that’s knocking around my little brain. The newsletter consists of The Main Event, which is a longer form “essay” about something I am currently fixating on, as well as Some Other Stuff, which features bite-sized topics and will probably change each week. I actively welcome and encourage comments, don’t be scared! I’ll only get mad if you talk shit about my family or Ruby.

The Main Event

If we talk on a regular basis you might know that I am currently obsessed with the early to mid 2000s American TV series The Sopranos. I started watching the show with my brother just after the new year on somewhat of a whim. I can’t remember where this idea came from, other than that the series met two very important qualifications:

1) It has a lot of episodes - 86, to be exact!

2) It is “known to be good.”

These were my only specifications, and I’m happy to report that they led to a very solid choice. With The Sopranos, I don’t have to wait for something new to watch each week, or new seasons to come. Instead I slide between episodes in a way that feels like it transcends the rules of space and time. Indeed, hours don’t exist for me anymore - my evenings are measured solely by how many episodes of The Sopranos I can fit in before I must commence my complex bedtime routine and turn out the light (it’s usually 3 or 4 episodes by the way, depending on when I clock out of work). Equally important to this selection is that the show has been widely dubbed a Groundbreaking Series™ due to its first-of-his-kind antihero main character. For example, without Tony Soprano, Mad Men and its antihero Don Draper would not exist.

I was a tween and teen when The Sopranos was on air, and remember regarding it and Seinfeld the exact same way: they were for adults and were extremely boring. However, I am now both an adult (turning 30 this year is terrifying?) and somewhat boring (I read a lot of books and my Mum is my best friend), so The Sopranos is a truly perfect viewing option!

Prior to watching the show I thought it would simply consist of Mob Guys Doing Scary Things and Generally Being Terrible People, but I am now very glad to report that it is actually about much more. Yes, the characters are in or related to the mob and some even regularly commit abysmal crimes, but the broader themes behind the show - the pitfalls of a capitalist society, and the general moralistic struggles we all face on a daily basis - are urgently relevant today.

An image I sent to my brother on WhatsApp of my nightly set up.

The Sopranos entered my life at the perfect time. Like much of the world, Toronto has pretty much been in lockdown since March, a situation that has unsurprisingly led to me becoming an even stauncher hermit than usual. Within this increasingly bleak state of affairs we are collectively experiencing, shutting my work laptop at the end of the day, crossing my tiny living room to plop down on the couch and open my personal laptop, then proceeding to hit play on an episode of The Sopranos, has become a highly comforting daily routine.

It would be dramatic to say that this show is the reason I get up each morning, but unfortunately I am a dramatic person and some days it literally is the reason I drag myself out of bed. So there! When I’m feeling low, I work and do whatever I need to do during the day primarily because I know that in the evening I will receive my cherished reward in The Sopranos. Is this depression? No, it’s just the way I am choosing to stave off the feelings of hopelessness and boredom arising from current terrifying world events.

The Sopranos was on air from 1999-2007, a time when I grew from 8 to 16 years old and obviously had none of my current adult responsibilities. There’s something comforting about the fact that the show was filmed and is set in an era that was much simpler for me personally. Watching The Sopranos feels a bit like traveling back in time to a version of myself that was carefree and mostly oblivious to the world at large. It’s relaxing!

The wider world, however, has been extremely un-relaxing for the past 10 months, as it has felt like disturbing new events have been occurring almost constantly: New rules! New restrictions! New things you used to not think twice about doing but will now never do again for fear of exchanging germs with a stranger or even a friend! On the flip side, however, daily life has become increasingly repetitive, as we are unable to go to work or interact with our friends in person. It’s not an exaggeration to say that this dizzying juxtaposition between a dull day-to-day life and turbulent current events has resulted in pretty much everyone feeling mentally and emotionally exhausted a lot of the time.

I’m lucky that none of my loved ones have been sick and that I have been able to stay healthy. But I also recognize the fact that everyone, no matter the extent to which they have been affected by covid-19, has developed certain coping mechanisms to get them through these “unprecedented times,” an expression that I suspect will haunt our dreams for many years to come. Wallowing in the world of Tony Soprano and co is my current coping mechanism.

That being said, I’m rather intrigued by the tension between the comfort and reliability of having The Sopranos to turn to every night, and the distinct hatred I feel for how boring and predictable life has become. Simply put, I’m mad that there’s nothing fun to do, but am dealing with that frustration by doing the same thing every evening. What’s with that? Why aren’t I spending my evenings learning new skills or taking long walks to ensure I get my steps in? In an ideal world I’d be switching up my activities each evening, attempting to bring even a minute form of newness into my life.

My impression of Silvio Dante, also sent to my brother on WhatsApp.

When I look at it logically, and set my guilt aside, what exactly should I be doing with my evenings? What am I trying to achieve? Most likely without The Sopranos I’d be jumping from TV show to TV show, feeling unsettled and insufficiently distracted from the dumpster fire that is life on our planet in the year of our lord 2021. And, is there anything truly wrong with finding comfort in a TV series that promises many many episodes with excellent writing and *great* jokes? No, there isn’t. Do I really need to be “productive” in my free time when even getting through the day is somewhat of a herculean feat? Nah.

Why not lean into the mundanity of life and make myself feel like I have some semblance of personal agency by committing to an experience that will last for at least a few weeks and bring myself a fair amount of joy? I like to think that this is what I’m doing, and is a big reason why bingeing The Sopranos currently feels like such a refuge. I’m hunkering down and allowing myself to drift through a life I currently have very little control over: cocooning until I can emerge in a post-covid world, whenever that is and if it even exists.

For the time being, I’m going to continue to enjoy leaving reality behind for a few hours each evening and entering early 2000s New Jersey, a world not even close to knowing about the existence of covid-19 and all that comes with it. Honestly, as long as I’m not breaking lockdown orders by travelling internationally and/or spending time indoors with those outside my household I’m not going to waste any more time worrying about what I do or don’t do with my evenings :)

Hehe

Some Other Stuff

Something I’m Currently Reading: My favourite newsletter at the moment is this one by Haley Nahman, who used to write at Man Repeller (RIP). It also comes out every Sunday. I enjoy the way she writes and find a lot of the topics she covers to be things I’m already thinking about but that she articulates much better than I could!

Something New I Learned This Week: Lugging multiple bags of frozen fruit home from the grocery store that is many blocks away from my apartment while wearing a mask and big headphones is an excellent and sweaty workout.

Something New in Beauty This Week: I’ve started wearing perfume every day even though I live alone and see no one during the week. I like to smell good!

That’s it! Have a great week, and please tell me what you’re doing at the moment to keep the overwhelming feelings of impending doom at bay. Do you have a comfort watch? Should I name my future dog “Carmela?” Am I going to lose my mind and lose all purpose in life in a few weeks when I finish the last episode of The Sopranos? Let me know in the comments section and let’s FIGHT!

You’re cute and so am I,

Diana